It’s no secret that running has been a struggle for me recently. This weekend I ran my worst half marathon ever. My times have gradually been increasing over the past 18 months or so and I often find that my heart just isn’t in it.
Rock the Parkway on Saturday is one of the easiest half marathon courses in the area and the weather was near-perfect, yet I struggled with every stride. I started out feeling very sore and my glutes, hamstrings were on fire in the first mile. I’ve been working hard at strength training with my personal trainer over the past 3 weeks and I could feel the burn. (On a positive note, I think I’m seeing some baby arm muscles poking through.)
At mile 5 I knew that I needed to pick up the pace and I literally couldn’t do it. At mile 8 I wanted so badly to be done. At mile 10 I got a thoughtful text from my mom and cried. At mile 11 I texted her back and told her I was in a lot of pain and was feeling devastated about my projected finish time. At the finish I took a photo with my medal and put a fake smile on my face.
I should have felt proud for completing my 15th half marathon. I should have been thankful that my body allowed me to travel 13.1 miles that morning. Instead, all I could think was that I ran the same race 28 minutes faster just a couple years ago.
I’ve been having a hard time letting go of the past. I need to forget my past PRs and race times and focus on the now. I so badly need to let go of where I could be, and be okay with where I am and concentrate on where I can go from here.
After the race I walked to my car where I cried and felt sorry for myself. That is, until my mom sent me some words of encouragement and recommended that I take a step back from my own running and consider how I can help other runners. Helping others is always more rewarding, right? I talked about this later in the day with my friend, Val, as we spent some time riding through pastures on the side-by-side and enjoying a few beers. It was good for the soul. My heart was happy when I left. I now have some ideas of what my running future looks like, so stay tuned for more info!
On Tuesday, I travel to my alma mater to speak to graduating Communication Arts seniors and give the keynote address for their banquet. I’ll be sharing my “Life Lessons Learned Through Running,” and will post my speech for all of you next week!